I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
