haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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