I want to make a zoo with you.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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