This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
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