We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
