omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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