She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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