last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
