I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize