so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
