Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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