One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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