I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
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I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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