When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
