new low.... made out with someone while peeing
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
