Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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