Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
