Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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