i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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