He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
