i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
