I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
