im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
