PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
