I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He did a backflip because drugs
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
