omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
