And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
