Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
he told me I talked like a deaf person
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize