My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
