I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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