ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Randomize
