and she was petting her beer can
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
