I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize