Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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