you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
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you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
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Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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