You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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