The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
