I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
