K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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