Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
