The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
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