the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
