I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
