mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Found the puke drawer
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
