Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Naked. naked and bneed help.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
