i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
