you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
