so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
