My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
