it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
