She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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