ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
