Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
