I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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