today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
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