Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
