Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
