I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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