I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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